I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
No subtext here. People are naked.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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