Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
