operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
