Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
