Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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