You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
