So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
