Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
