real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
