maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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