oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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