i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
