..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
