Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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