I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
