There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
