I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
