Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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