He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
