so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
