1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
