Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
