none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
My pussy is not your playground.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
