I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
