Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Barsexuality is the new black.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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