goodnight i made you a song goodbye
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
