fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
