someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
