I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
