So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
