Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
