I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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