in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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