The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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