apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
