i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Randomize
