she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Also, beer. Big fan.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
