I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
