you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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