what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Boobs speak an international language.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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