why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
