Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
