This is not my ceiling
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize