I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
