You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
