she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
