Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I want a musical about memes.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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