Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize