I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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