careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
barbara walters just said penis...
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
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