Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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