Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
