Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
