He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
