Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
