booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
