I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
