exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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