i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
