You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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