Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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