Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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