It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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