my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
