ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize