tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
