I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
