I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize